A Closer Look

If you’ve been looking, you may have noticed I have dubbed a phrase to go with my online presence (Pinterest, Twitter (yes, I just started tweeting!)).  I can’t take credit for creating it, but I sure do think it fits!!

As I continue to blog (which entails scouring the web for new and exciting images), decorate (which I usually do a lot of research for before purchasing), and consider style/fashion, I’ve gotten closer to who I am and who I am becoming (much like this quote (and this one too)).  And this has even shifted from the start of Caviar Dreams…have you noticed?  Don’t worry, I like it.

So as a way to be truer to myself, I want to share more with you!  You may not see how they are relevant to the blog or this post, but they are some of the things that make me me.  I think it’s important to share these things as well as what home trend I’m loving right now.  So, let’s go!

1.  My TV stand may be some indication of this, but I love Asian things.  There’s a strand of this that runs on my mom’s side, so I’m going to attribute it to genetics.  My great-aunt Jean gave me some of my most prized possessions, and all three are Asian.  The first gift she ever gave me was so long ago, I can’t remember when it was…but I remember we were at her home in Illinois that’s filled with magical things.  She presented both my sister and me lacquered jewelry boxes with cranes inlaid on the doors, as well as gold necklaces with delicate feather details.  I rarely wore the necklace because of how fragile it was, but that jewelry box always held all my treasures.  For my eighth grade graduation (and my Amanda’s high school graduation (same year hehe)), Aunt Jean gifted us golden fish necklaces that move as if swimming.  They are so beautiful, and I kind of miss seeing them (I left them at my parents’ for safe-keeping).  Aside from Aunt Jean, I seriously love Chinese food and worked at my hometown’s mom and pa restaurant for my first-ever job.  And I always wanted to be Trini from Power Rangers (Amanda was always Kimberley, so it worked well).

2.  I’ve had body issues since third grade.  I attribute this to two key moments in my childhood.  I feel like my innocence was trampled on, and both were centered on careless comments about my body.  After that, my self-esteem plummeted.  I thought boys in grade school didn’t want to talk to me because of my belly, because I wasn’t pretty enough, etc.  I was a pretty bright child, but I couldn’t get past the length of my uniform shorts (as the waistband size increased, so did the shorts length (my mom actually hemmed my shorts for me so that mine weren’t longer than the other girls)).  No little girl should ever feel so sad about her body, especially when she is still growing and maturing.  Now, I get sad thinking about the journals I kept where I wrote about my body (I think I ended up shredding all those pages).  But I didn’t leave my insecurities in grade school…I carried them all the way to college with me where I formed an unhealthy relationship with binge eating.  I remember sitting in my freshman dorm, while all my girlfriends were partying, with a jar of peanut butter and a spoon.  I could eat a whole pizza and then three ice cream sandwiches and maybe dive into some bags of baked chips after that.  It was bizarre.  One day around Thanksgiving I went out to eat with my sister and her friends after I had already eaten dinner.  I came home feeling so upset with myself and my parents freaked.  I’ve since patched things up with myself, and I don’t hate my body anymore.  Some days I look paunchier than usual, and I have a mini panic attack…but nothing like I used to be.  I’m very thankful for that.

3.  I love movies and music.  I’m a bit of a junkie, actually.  Music is absolutely necessary while in the apartment all day and I usually try to convince Ethan to watch a film every night I can (even though we have drastically different tastes).  I have a unique DVD collection which I started when I moved out, and it has snowballed to a somewhat embarrassing amount.  I love foreign, indie, rom-com, drama, musicals, pretty much anything except action/adventure (simply because I’m prone to motion sickness).  I could watch the Harry Potter flicks all the time, and I have no qualms with saying I am a big fan of Napoleon Dynamite.  My most favorite movies make me cry, and nothing gets me singing like a Disney princess film.  As for music, it’s been a personal goal of mine to attend one concert every year (since junior year of high school when Amanda and I saw a lot of concerts).  As I’ve gotten older I’ve noticed I don’t quite have it in me to stand for so long and get jostled around, but I love live music so much.  My ears are going to hate me when I’m middle-aged.  My favorite, you ask?  It’s a tie between Pete Yorn and Kings of Leon.  And not to brag, but I happened to meet Sisqo when the “Thong Song” was biiig.

Wow, this turned into a long post.  If you liked it, let me know, and I’ll do more of this as weeks go by.  If not, I’ll keep things on the lighter side.

(images via)



  1. Its fun getting to know you. You express yourself very well and you make it seem easy to share all this. I’m so sad for you during your school years. Kids can be so cruel. I think these difficult tipping point moments make us who we are today. And because of them we may be more aware of other people and their feelings, more caring and all in all they help us be better people. I love movies too…just saw Hysteria? did you see it?

    1. Thank you; I tend to think people don’t want to know the darker side (however influential it may be), but I’m glad you appreciated the honesty.
      And I just watched the trailer…how hilarious! Unfortunately I’ve never lived in a city that had a broad-spectrum theater, so I always miss out on the less mainstream films…along with Moonrise Kingdom, I’ll definitely have to rent Hysteria when it comes out =)

  2. Love it, because you are you and beautiful in many ways, I believe that’s why my son Loves you, and me too. Keep the great post coming! 🙂 Love ya!

    1. Thank you Sonya =)

  3. Such fun finding you on all these social media time-sucks, but even happier that you shared so much of yourself. I went out for drinks with a girlfriend last night and we were talking about body image; I think every woman has a story about self-hate and shame, and while it’s always so inspiring to talk about recovery, I wish so many of us didn’t have that in common!

    1. I know, it is so saddening! Thanks for reading and sharing =)

  4. […] you remember this post, I took things to a more personal level…and it seemingly got a positive response.  So, with […]

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