I’ve discussed various times that I have had a rough patch with body image and dieting. Not the worst that’s ever existed in the history of the world, but it made a big enough impact to where I’ve had a hard time eating “normally” for most of my adult life. And while I can confidently say I am not in the binging stage of my college years, married life had proposed a new set of problems I am no longer going to ignore.
I had been playing around with the idea of extending my “best self” attitude to my daily diet, but Saturday made me really realize I had to make a change. For some perspective, I was in a massive amount of pain. I could have blamed it on the onset of my monthly dues, but I decided to be honest with myself– one too many slices of pizza, two too many sodas, and six chicken nuggets (which let’s face it, we all know aren’t really chicken) were the real cause. In my history of eating, it was not the first night where I felt ill from what I had willingly dropped into my stomach, but I hope that it will be the last.
For many years I associated eating healthy with being “skinny.” If I ate salads and celery and stayed away from bread, I would be rewarded with a rockin’ bod. That was my mindset. When I ate so daintily and still had a little pooch and big thighs…it felt like a ticket to eating whatever I wanted because I was never going to be skinny. And while genetically it is very true that skinny is not in the cards for me, that doesn’t mean I can’t eat healthy anyway. That was the realization I had this weekend. My association with eating healthy to physical appearance needs to end. Because eating well is so much more important than that.
I was a point in my life where I was maintaining a healthy weight and making the right decisions when I met Ethan, and that didn’t change all throughout dating and the engagement. It was when I moved up here last June and started to really be married that made me falter. Not that it is any fault of his…let’s just say it’s easier to pick up bad habits than good ones. I experimented with making us both healthy meals and he was often unhappy with them…leading to a lot of waste. After my stint of gluten-free, I gave in and let him go shopping, which resulted in snack and frozen foods without a single piece of produce in sight. We’ve been in a constant tug-o-war with the matters of eating, and I’ve finally gathered my courage. I’m ready to resolve the issue.
A healthier perspective on food is what I hope to gain from all of this. I know I can live like a rabbit, eating food that’s grown and not processed with added sugars and salts. I’ve done it before, in my more dedicated days. And yet…I know some days I will mourn the eating style I am putting behind me. Days when my sweet Ethan wants to have a McRomance (something I’m sure I will feel guilty about) and nights that we go to the theatre. Instead of caving to the salty fries and oh so buttery popcorn, I must let him partake in the food he wishes to consume and find new happiness and comfort in my self-control and healthier digestive system. I will look at the extra money I spend on fresh as an investment to my body and never think twice about it.
So that’s my plan. And I’m sticking to it.